On What Endures

I try to look at this particular picture of my daughter as often as possible. It is the most incredible picture I've ever seen (though I myself did not take it and I'm a photographer). I'm holding her and her face is so full of life and love and hope that it makes you want to cry. I look at the picture- do this- to remind myself that the 19 year old who leaves cigarette butts everywhere and swears and drifts around causing mayhem is the same child that I gave birth to. I look at this picture to remind myself of that bond that can never be broken-that wherever I am there will be a place for her, and that no amount of storming out of rooms and ultimatums will ever change that. There is a love that is unconditional though it sometimes threatens to crush your spirit and break your heart. It is through these people that we learn the most from ourselves. The complete and total love that she needed at 4 months is the same complete and total love that she needs now. But that's every person, isn't it? Despite all the things that she does and the way she pushes against life, against progress, she still needs that. In the course of watching those we love crash through life, some terrible things can happen, things that make you want to draw everyone you love in to you and hold on to them and protect them. But a part of your soul dies in that process. This happens because you make a clear separation between those who are inside your circle and those that are outside. Even the people who hurt your loved ones need your love. And sometimes your pity. They are some one's child too, just like my child in the picture above. I've worked so hard in the last two years to do that. Sometimes it's an uphill battle, sometimes not. Anyone can love the people who love them too. But loving the people who hurt you, who break you- that's when you begin to become more.