Advice To My Children

Advice to my three daughters:

Every story about scars should always start with, "There were these three ninjas..."

If you have to say to someone, "It's not really a cult," it's definitely a cult. Get out.

Everybody says that you have to separate the laundry, but actually after the initial wash when everything bleeds and shrinks, if you survive that, then it's all good after that. It's way easier to throw everything in together. Mixed loads will give you two extra weeks in your lifetime that you wouldn't have otherwise had.

Everybody hates a mime.

Real wisdom means that you choose the experience over the the thing, the person over the ideal.

Spend the money on the two-ply. Your body will thank you.

When you choose somebody to be with, never waste your time being with someone you couldn't spend your life with. Choose carefully, choose well. And when you have chosen, love them unconditionally. You risk being hurt, it's true. But when you love people unconditionally, you give them the freedom to dream and be themselves and accomplish things they never would have dared to risk emotionally.

Develop true love and compassion for everyone. It saves on hospital visits from bar fights and you'll never lie awake at night wondering about what kind of person you've become because your instincts will always be good.

Spam is not real food. Don't listen to the hippie surfers from Hawaii next door. Spam is just wrong.

When you are choosing what career path you are going to follow, it's all about what your calling is and what you are inspired to do and not about the almighty dollar. Everyone in this world is of use and value. We couldn't run businesses without accountants. Life wouldn't be as beautiful without artists. When you act in faith and goodness and openness to the world somehow it ALWAYS turns out alright. And hell, sometimes , even when you aren't so good, it's still okay. Just do with your life what you feel compelled to do and it's all good.

When you are in a jam, beans and rice and a little bit of fat-that's a complete meal.

I firmly believe that having faith in yourself, having faith in anything is what defines our character. If you don't have vision for yourself, how can anyone else?

Keep it simple. Don't buy crap you don't need. Before you take it home, think to yourself, "Where the hell am I going to put that?" You'll have less to clean and have more time to do more important things.

Take care of your health before everything else. If you have your health you have the world.

Rock stars and movie starlets are not to be envied. The money isn't worth the inability to go to the market when you need sanitary napkins or hemorrhoid cream without reading about it in The Enquirer. If you still feel the need to have some kind of acknowledgement from the world outside your inner circle of friends and family, a cult following is the way to go. Modest recognition without the paparazzi. Let's face it. We dislike the pretty people anyway.

Don't wear make up. You are beautiful just the way you were made. You don't need anything else. If you start out wearing it, it'll never end. Because the next time people see you and you aren't wearing it they'll think, "Oh, wow, she must be sick" or "She's really let herself go."

Don't listen to hippies. Shave your underarms and wear some deodorant. Even if it's the deodorant stone. The world will thank you. I could care less if you don't shave your legs though. You can always wear pants. And no, using the deodorant stone doesn't make me a damn hippie. Neither does the wearing of hemp.

Being an independent, cool, bad-ass chic doesn't mean that you stomp all over men. Respect all people. Equal rights was not about hate. It was about fairness. If you take a man's masculinity away from him, you take away that wonderful piece of the puzzle that fits in so well with your piece of the puzzle.

When you find a guy to spend your life with, don't worry too much about who's in charge. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's him. Sometimes you are losing your shit, sometimes he's losing his. It all works out if you relax about it.

If you begin to have too many people dropping in unexpectedly, get pets. Especially cats. Lots of people are allergic and it really cuts down on the traffic.

Let as many cars in front of you as you cut off on the freeway. The driving records of the women in this family is seriously damaging to the karma of the family as a whole. I don't want to come back in the next life as a Chihuahua.

Never drive an expensive car if you have to drive at all. You'll constantly worry about it being stolen and we generally dislike displays of conspicuous consumption. A general rule: if you could sell it and feed a third world country for a day it's just not good for the soul.

Don't be afraid of who you are. Don't even worry about who you are or pay attention to other people trying to define you. Keep your intentions pure, practice humility, love people as much as it is possible and the person that you are will be someone that you will never have to feel ashamed of.

I love you guys.